This morning I woke up and decided I had to go back to work. Today felt like the deal breaker day in my mind. Go back to work now, or never go back again. We can’t afford to both be without jobs now, so I decided to head in.
My work is amazing to me and I knew that they would allow me to take some more time off without problems, but I’m thinking about the months ahead, the Dr’s appointments and transfers to Rehab Hospital. I’m going to be taking a lot of time off.
When I first walked into my office, I went into my CFO’s office to let him know I was there. He looked at me with kind eyes and asked how I was doing and I broke down into tears and had to walk away.
Not a good start to my day.
Fortunately, I work with a lot of friends and a lot of amazing people. Today, I realized how much I need that support system in all aspects of my life. I had a lot of hugs today, a lot of offers for sleepovers and girls nights and requests for help.
I had a few anxiety attacks throughout the day. I called Jason half a dozen times questioning his hemogloban level, his blood pressure and heart rate. I’m so used being there every day and finding out this information first hand, I felt lost.
When I arrived at the hospital, it was the start of a four day shift. I received a lot of hello’s and smiles from the nurses who I hadn’t seen since the weekend. As I was standing at the nurses station waiting for a call, I even got a hug from one of the nurses walking by. I said hello to the other patients visitors that I haven’t seen since last night and felt strangely comforted by them all. These people, who 13 days ago were strangers to me, have now become my rocks.
Although all these people help me through all this, it also makes me feel sad.