I think we need a larger litter box…
I think we need a larger litter box…
One year ago today, we loaded up the car, said good-bye to my Brother who was living with us at the time and headed to meet up with my SIL at the cottage. About 15 minutes after leaving, we witnessed the tail end of a very serious accident. Tires screaching, loud thud and a car speeding off, a woman lay on the road right beside our car. My Husband quickly pulled the car over and ran to the woman, calling 911 on the way. My FIL ran behind him to see what he could do, my MIL stayed in the car obviously shaken over what we had just seen. I ran to the road, searching for any signs of the contents of the baby carriage that was thrown a good 20 feet away from the woman.
It seemed like forever, but finally the police and ambulance showed up. The woman was faiding away, it was obvious to everyone around that she probably wouldn’t make it. We were relieved to discover that the baby carriage wasn’t carrying a baby, but rather the woman’s groceries as she was heading home from the store. Nothing else for us to do, we provided our info to the police and got back into the car to continue on our way to the highway. News crews showing up, I called my Brother at our house and warned him that if he heard anything on the news about a car accident, not to worry, it wasn’t us, we’re all fine just delayed with our travel.
We were all upset, of course, it was a pretty silent car ride after that. About 10 minutes after leaving, we were on the highway and on our way to the cottage. We turned on the radio to the local news station for any update on the woman and the news report stated that she was in critical condition and not expected to survive.
At that moment, the turn signal light of a 53′ transport truck started blinking in my Husbands driver side window as the truck moved over to our lane and changed our lives forever.
Within 20 minutes, the chain of calls happened and everyone in my family was notified. My poor Brother, confused, corrected my Mother and told her no, we were fine, he had just spoken to me 30 minutes ago and I assured him that everything was okay and that we were not in an accident.
There are a lot of what if’s from that night. What if Jason had of asked Father drive the first half of the trip. What if I had of sat in the front seat, would I have pulled him out of the way like his Dad did.
But mostly, I often imagine what if we hadn’t of stopped.
I remember back when my Niece was first born, my BIL told us that a babies growth and development was measured in inches. Every small new thing was amazing and exciting and even though it may seem insignificant, it was awesome to watch.
The past three months have been sureal. I can’t even describe what it’s like to watch this little guy become a person. He’s only three months old, but he’s developing a personality that’s all his own. He smiles and laughs and makes jokes and play games. He coughs and then pretends to cough and then laughs just to get our reaction. He farts and poops and then laughs and acts like a little boy, already. He grabs at his toys and shakes them and pulls the cord to make them play music. He amazes us every day with every little thing he does.
Having Jason at home has made this experience a lot different then I thought it would. Our days are spent talking about the colour of poo, how funny his laugh is and calling out to the other to grab the camera or video recorder to capture something else incredible that he’s doing. We just sit there, watching him, playing with him, amazed by him.
We wake up in the morning to the sound of him talking and laughing in his basinet. He hasn’t woken up crying once yet. He’s such a happy little guy I never knew it was possible for a baby to smile as much as he does. Even when he’s sleeping, his lips curl up. I’ve had the best naps of my life over the past three months with him curled up in my arms.
Everything he does, every breath, every sound is absolutely amazing to watch and I feel blessed to be the one that created and carried this little miracle.
Today I went shopping with my Mom, Sister and Nieces. I was picking up some new outfits for Joey (who just turned three months today yet is wearing 6-12 month sized clothing!!) and the girls were picking out a few things for themselves. My four year old niece picked out a cute shirt and had the following conversation with my Mom. It just shows that peer pressure really does begin ealier and earlier.
Katie: Isn’t this a cute shirt? I think Amelia will love it!
Mom: You shouldn’t think about what other people think, the important thing is will you love it?
Katie: looking closely at the shirt Yes, I love it… and… I really think my girlfriends will too!
As I’ve said time and time before… she’s four going on 14…
This weekend found us at my Cousins for a birthday bbq. I plopped Joey on the couch beside my two and a half year old niece to change his diaper. She’s the only one of his cousins that truly takes an interest in him. Upon each visit she makes sure to announce to the room ‘I love Joey!’ at least several times. Changing his diaper beside her, Megan made a very loud revelation to the rest of the room:
Megan: Joey has a peanut!
Tonight Jason, Joey and I went to my Sister’s house for dinner and while I was feeding Joey, my four year old niece came over and asked me to come play with her. I explained that I couldn’t because I was feeding Joey…
Katie: Mommy can feed Joey.
Me: No, I have to feed Joey.
Katie: coming closer and looking at me oddly I want to see what you’re feeding him…
Me: looking at my sister giving her the eyes – do you want to field this one?
Sister: Aunt Theresa is feeding Joey from her boobie.
Katie: hahahahha… no she’s not, that’s silly!
Sister: No, really, when you get older and become a Mom milk will come out of your boobies so you can feed your baby.
Katie: nervous laughter hahaha… you’re funny… walks away
A few hours later, I took the little guy into the family room to feed him again and for a little bit of quiet. I heard Katie come into the house looking for me and my Sister told her where I was.
Katie: I know what she’s doing! She’s feeding Joey from her belly!!
I can go days, sometimes even weeks without remembering that night… Sure, Jason’s constant pain and limited movement is always there, but it’s become such a part of our life, that I hardly associate it with what happened, it’s just always there. But some nights, like last night, the sounds and smells and fear of that night hit me hard and I lie in bed for hours not able to get the images out of my mind. Some nights, I’m close to tears as waves of memories wash over me, drowning me, consuming my every thought.
Nights like that are hard to get through.